Welcome. and faux pas

Best to jump right into things.

I am so akward socially. I mean, not really. Not as bad as my siblings. Definitely not as bad as my Dad. And surely not as bad as I was growing up.
I have friends now. But there are some things that I still haven't left in my socially defunct past.
I keep on thinking i've finally gotten it down pat. I now know the secret of socialization, self taught between all the years of humiliation and loneliness.
And then the sorry truth hits.
I'm really a failure socially.

I hate when i'm in the middle of an enjoyable outing with friends and then all of a sudden i do something that makes me do a double take. Uh oh. Why am I doing this? This is really awkward. I must stop. Only i'm too embroiled in the situation to untangle myself gracefully. So I continue with my faux pas, getting more and more red from embarrassment by the moment, unsure of how to remedy the situation. And then I go home and eat myself up for it.
Why did you do that? You're a failure socially. You're never gonna learn. You're always gonna be the one that the world looks at and says "Oh her? She thinks she's accepted but she's really the nebach. I'm only her friend out of rachmanus."
But its really not fair. Its like sticking me in a calculus class without having ever been taught simple arithmetic. I'm floundering. I was never taught socialization skills. My family is socially dead. Not even defunct. They are at an even lower level. And whatever skills I've picked up is only by trial and error. Which gets me this: freinds that will accept me, at least to my face. But once i'm gone, i can be sure that they're speaking ill of me to each other. I'm just sure of it.

Only my husband sort of understands where I'm coming from. He sees my family and how they dont even have any idea what freind means, let alone have the skills to make them. He sees how unlike them I am. Only that doesnt help me make freinds.
I feel hopeless.
My husband says I'm just better off not even wanting freinds. I hope not.