Why did I even try?

Sometimes I feel like I'm a serpent digging my fangs into my own tail. Digging my own grave. And other morbid thoughts like that. Why I get so morbid when it comes to freindships is beyond me, but what can I say? Its important to me.
And its childish. I know. Thats why i titled this blog "Childish Musings" so that way I can be childish without anyone telling me "Hey, you're being immature!" Yea. Whatever.

So back to my sinking my fangs into my own tail, I am very into making shidduchim between freinds.
When I moved here, I know how hard it was for me to meet people, let alone make good freinds. But thank God, it pretty much fell into place within a years time. But because it was such a long and arduous process, I want to make sure that it doesnt happen to others.
I brought a freind to live in my community. She definitely is weird. Really weird at times. And different ethnically than the rest of our crowd. But I like her regardless.
I wanted to make sure that she'd have any easy time getting accepted here. I made it my business to introduce her to my gang, ensuring that she'd have a social life here.

And now i'm regretting it, almost.
Not regretting the mitzva that I did- in fact I realize what a mitzva it is, and how much my method worked.
But saddened by the repercussions of my actions.
I have a hard enough time making friends.
I made freinds here.
And now they seem to forget I exist and are only interested in "the new girl" (NG). My "best friend"(BF) beforehand barely sees me; she's always busy with the new gal. I feel like they became best freinds and now they have no need for me.
Last night was a case in point. A different freind (DF) invited both NG and BF for the friday night meal. I was going for a walk with NG and my other friend (OF) said something to the tune of "Oh, i'm sure you'll have a really great time. She worked really hard on the desert" not knowing that I wasnt invited. I even saw DF while walking with NG and she said nothing to me about inviting me for desert. Then BF tells me i should stop by for desert. I didn't. I was too depressed friday night about being left out, and didnt want to butt in where I wasnt wanted, didnt want to be a party crasher when I was uninvited. And then I find out that OF was also there friday night.
I feel really left out.
I feel that if I hadnt made sure to introduce NG to them, they'd have time for me and be interested in my company. Like I'm the cause of my own misery.

Maybe I am in a different sense. Maybe it is because I've been lazy socially that they think snubbing them. But the reason i'm lazy socially is because i dont want to appear to be too needy and desparate for friends, as that has cost me friends in the past. And maybe because I'd rather take responsibility, say "I dont have freinds because I chose not to, and not because they didn't want me."

Or maybe its my husband's fault partially. He is shy and doesn't enjoy socializing. Perhaps they sense this about him and would rather invite a couple in which the husband also socializes. Maybe my chronically wallflower husband is the reason i've become a wallflower by association. Or maybe we're each just wallflowers and thats why we married each other?

Life is all a game of maybes. Too bad you don't get answers and find out the real reason why. Maybe the real answer would make us too depressed.
Maybe.
Maybe.

Maybe not.